2010年9月28日火曜日

幸福-快樂與意義的結合

哈佛大學最受歡迎、最夯的選修課是「幸福課」, 聽課人數超過了王牌課《經濟學導論》。而教這門課的是年輕講師,名叫塔爾賓-夏哈爾(TalBen-Shahar,Ph.D.)。 哈佛大學哲學與心理學博士。

他在哈佛開設的「組織 心理學」與「領導心理學」的課程,分別獲選「最受歡迎課程」的第一與第三名,每學期選修人數高達1,400人, 超過學生總數的20%。許多學生向學校反應,這兩門課「改變了他們的一生」


班夏哈的教學及思想,引 起美國主流媒體的爭相報導,包括《波士頓全球報》、《紐約時報》,以及CNNCBS、美國國家公共廣播電台。
塔爾賓-夏哈爾,自稱是一個害羞、 內向的人。「在哈佛,我第一次教授積極心理學課時,只有8個學生報名,其中,還有2人中途退課。第二次,我有近400名學生。到了第三 次,當學生數目達到850人時,上課更多的是讓我感到緊張和不安。特別是當學生的家長、爺爺奶奶和 那些媒體的朋友們,開始出現在我課堂上的時侯。」

我們來到這個世上,到底追求什麼才是最重要的?他堅定地認為:「幸福感」是衡量人生的唯一標準,是所有目標的最終目標。「人們衡量商業成就時,標準是錢。用錢去評估資產和債務、利潤和虧損, 所有與錢無關的,都不會被考慮進去,金錢是最高的財富。但是我認為,人生與商業一樣,也有盈利和虧損。」

「具體地說,在看待自己的生命時, 可以把負面情緒當作支出,把正面情緒當作收入。當正面情緒多於負面情緒時,我們在幸福這一『至高財富』上就盈利了。」

「所以,幸福應該是快樂與意義的結合!一個幸福的人,必須有一個明確的、可以帶來快樂和意義的目標,然後努力地去追求。真正快樂的人,會在自己覺得有意義的生活方式裡,享受它的點點滴滴。」

塔爾賓-夏哈爾,希望他的學生學會接受自己,不要忽略自己所擁有的獨特性;要擺脫「完美主 義」,要「學會失敗」。 
塔爾賓夏哈爾還為學生簡化出10條小貼紙
1:遵從你內心的熱情。 
選擇對你有意義並且能 讓你快樂的課,不要只是為了輕鬆地拿一個A而選課,或選你朋友上的課,或是別人認為你應該上的課。


2: 多和朋友們在一起。 
不要被日常工作纏身,親密的人際關係,是你幸福感的信 號,最有可能為你帶來幸福。


3: 學會失敗。 
成功沒有捷徑,歷史上有成就的人,總是敢於行動,也會經 常失敗。不要讓對失敗的恐懼,絆住你嘗試新事物的腳步。


4: 接受自己全然為人。 失望、煩亂、悲傷,是 人性的一部分。接納這些,並把它們當成自然之事, 允許自己偶爾的失落和傷感。然後問問自己,能做些什麼來讓自己感覺好過一點。


5: 簡化生活 
更多並不總代表更好,好事多了,不一定有利。你選了太多 的課嗎? 參加了太多的活動嗎?應求精而不在多。


6: 有規律地鍛煉 體育運動是你生活中最重要的事情之一。 每週只要3次,每次只要30分鐘,就能大大改善你的身心健康。


7: 睡眠 
雖然有時「熬通宵」是不可避免的,但每天79小時的睡眠,是一筆非常棒的投資。 這樣,在醒著的時候,你會更有效率、更有創造力,也會更開心。


8. 慷慨 
現在,你的錢包裡可能沒有太多錢,你也沒有太多時間。但 這並不意味著你無法助人。 「給予」和「接受」是一件事的兩個面。當我們幫助別人時,我們也在幫助自己; 當我們幫助自己時,也是在間接地幫助他人。


9: 勇敢 勇氣並不是不恐懼,而是心懷恐懼,仍依然向前。


10:表達感激 生活中,不要把你的家人、朋友、健康、教育等這一切當成 理所當然的。 它們都是你回味無窮的禮物。記錄他人的點滴恩惠,始終保持感恩之心。

2010年9月23日木曜日

Many people might think I've lots of friends, I thought so too, but when the moment came when I wanted to share my joy with someone whom I can always turn to, I can hardly think of any. I think they don't deserve what I can give, but maybe it's just coz I don't deserve their best too. I thought I was good, but apparently I'm not good enough, at least for those whom I wish could care a bit more. Relationship is so fragile, life is so unpredictable, I'm so tired...

2010年9月21日火曜日

" you will never light a new candle if the dimmest light hasn't yet fade away."

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

"Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right who's wrong that we forget what's right and what's wrong."

' Success is a journey up a mountain path; those who manage to climb to the top are those who believe in themselves and never ever give up even if everyone doubts them' - Alex Bogdanovic

' Nothing is Impossible'

"When you want advice, ask someone who’s done it successfully."
Cindy Francis

May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten."
Irish Blessings

C.S. Lewis:
Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.

"Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled."

"If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy."

"Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present "

2010年9月17日金曜日

You once told me that nobody will not like me. Although you said it while we broke up, but I've been fighting hard to live up to your words. Have been more than six years now? I just remember vaguely that I had really loved someone, but I can't remember whether I was happy, and I don't know if I've felt anything similar with anyone afterward. You are just like a stranger to me now, stranger than strangers, but my heart still aches when I think about you. It's true that first love is the purest and the most powerful, and as time goes by, experience makes me hope less, anticipate less, hurt less. I'm used to people coming and leaving at different stage of my life, it's part of the journey and I just gotta move on. Yes I believe that I'm a likable girl, and a sex object to many guys. It makes me feel more confident in a way that they want me more than I want them, but not in a way that I think I'll find my true love soon. Seeing so many failed relationships and infidelity, I can't help losing faith in love.  I've been trying hard to live happily, I smile a lot, but there's still a great sense of loneliness, insecurity, frustration, disappointment deep inside. Sometimes I just burst into tears when I'm contemplating alone. I'm so weak, I need someone to rely on, and protect me from all that's out there. Losing hope yet yearning for it, life's full of dilemma and contradictions. But in the end, we're all alone..