2010年9月17日金曜日

You once told me that nobody will not like me. Although you said it while we broke up, but I've been fighting hard to live up to your words. Have been more than six years now? I just remember vaguely that I had really loved someone, but I can't remember whether I was happy, and I don't know if I've felt anything similar with anyone afterward. You are just like a stranger to me now, stranger than strangers, but my heart still aches when I think about you. It's true that first love is the purest and the most powerful, and as time goes by, experience makes me hope less, anticipate less, hurt less. I'm used to people coming and leaving at different stage of my life, it's part of the journey and I just gotta move on. Yes I believe that I'm a likable girl, and a sex object to many guys. It makes me feel more confident in a way that they want me more than I want them, but not in a way that I think I'll find my true love soon. Seeing so many failed relationships and infidelity, I can't help losing faith in love.  I've been trying hard to live happily, I smile a lot, but there's still a great sense of loneliness, insecurity, frustration, disappointment deep inside. Sometimes I just burst into tears when I'm contemplating alone. I'm so weak, I need someone to rely on, and protect me from all that's out there. Losing hope yet yearning for it, life's full of dilemma and contradictions. But in the end, we're all alone..

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